a picture of a kitten lying in a plate
a picture of a kitten lying in a plate

Forget about setting long-term goals, forget about getting out there and making a difference to the world. Procrastination is the new hedonism. The ultimate holiday with no distinction to education, although a BA or Masters in linguistics or theatre or philosophy will only enhance the experience. Of course as always, I am here to help you get the best out of your time on the sofa by generously sharing my experience with you. Here are, Young-In’s tips to successful and fulfilling procrastination.

The key is to avoid any activities that may potentially swing you out of bed-hair mode and into proactivity of any kind. No baking cupcakes, no reading (not even in foreign films), absolutely no physical activity  apart from perhaps turning over on the couch, doing your walkies, or answering the door to take your pizza into reception. To start yourself off, here are:

My Top Five Procrastination Snacks

* Microwave Popcorn

* Marshmallow Pie (bought not made)

* Pomegranate Rooibos Iced Tea – caffeine free to prevent unnecessary temptation to do something.

* Chocolate Digestives – Blocking up your intestines may lead to tummy cramps, and resting should not be confused with procrastination.

* Pizza – an old couch surfing Classic

Your choice of snacks are really important. Not eating anything will cause hunger pangs, which will make you want to get up and cook, which is a big procrastination no-no… over-eating may lead to feelings of guilt, which may inspire you to want to do something stupid like getting on the treadmill or going for a walk. Also big ProC taboos. So, now you’ve rolled out of bed in your PJ’s and got your snacks ready on the coffee table, you’ll need some activities to keep actual productivity at bay. Here are the one’s I find the most effective…

My Top Five Procrastination Activities:

– TV… but this only applies to DSTV… regular TV may inspire you to actually do something to ease the pain of boredom.

– Using your phone aka ordering Pizza

– Playing The Sims…well, to be fair, not actually playing – just making Sims and building stuff  and then after moving them into their cool cheat-ridden house, start a new game, or return to watching TV.

– Pinterest – it LOOKS proactive…but it really isn’t

– General Staring – when all other things let you down due to power-cuts or general dissatisfaction just lie or your back wherever you are and stare.

You may be in need of some mula (for pizza and snacks), and the parentals won’t always be willing to to help you out, so maybe get like a part-time job that requires none of the skills you obtained at University and that don’t infringe on your sofa time or that have any kind of dress code. Showering and styling and getting into more than 4 items of clothing will eat into the time you could have spent on a tummy fluff sculpture or counting the revolutions of the ceiling fan in a minute. Lastly, if you REALLY want to put the Pro into Procrastination, print out some flash cards reminding you of all the things you SHOULD be doing, had you not been so busy doing everything else…and then make a slideshow to use on your computer as a screensaver.

To help you make a smooth transition from University to the sofa – here are some readables on procrastination:

The Readables

If you are interested in making procrastination work for you…check out this paper on Structured Procrastination…or not…because that will require actually reading it. I recommend just clicking on the link and then staring at the author jumping rope with seaweed on the beach.

Paul Graham talks about Good and Bad Procrastination on his patch of internet. To visit his i-lawn, click here.

If  you’re into geekness like me, you may choose to immediately gratify yourself with the procrastination equation on how to beat being a bum on Less Wrong. My only fear and suspicion is that if you’re too far along in-between the couch cushions, this may be way too geek for your five’o clock shadow.

Happy doing everything else! ❤