I am delaying the inevitable. I have only 10 days left before I leave my place. It seems silly to be so melancholy about a place that only I have memories of. I am challenged this week on my comfort with being alone. When I picked out the flat I’m currently renting I was looking for a place to share. A place my boyfriend and I could watch movies and be comfortable, a place that I could fill with dinner guests and late night conversations, and in ways I had small quantities of that. I fell in love with it immediately but not for the reasons I initially had. I loved the skylight above the tub, I loved the dreamy loft bedroom and wide windows. All of the alone spaces.
I had a few guests stay throughout the year, but once my relationship had ended I quickly settled into a busy work routine and late nights of listening to music on my earphones sitting on my bed staring out at the city lights in the distance, the in-bath-cinema system I figured out with mildly little engineering, the leaving of dinner plates and long evenings with the cool breeze flicking hair into my face as I lie listening to the dim ambience of the people living around me. It allowed me the space to withdraw into my own world. It afforded me the comfort of never being confronted with myself. I actually like me quite a lot it seems…I just hope my new colony of housemates will enjoy me too.
Today’s shower concert consists of: